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In the Region | New Jersey

In Home Sales, Courtesy Goes a Long Way

ANYONE who has stepped into the often-stressful real estate market in New Jersey lately can hardly help being aware that it is an increasingly rude arena.

With the supercilious buyers, hypersensitive sellers, inconsiderate sales agents and adversarial lawyers, “it really can be a jungle out there,” said Roberta Plutzik Baldwin, a broker for Keller Williams Realty in Montclair, somewhat ruefully.

“In a climate like this, where so many people feel financial anxiety, and sometimes every $100 is an important issue,” she said, “anger and animus seem to come out more frequently.”

Even when people have “tons of money,” said Karen Eastman Bigos, a broker for Towne Realty Group in Short Hills, more and more are “harsh” with remarks and attitudes, especially buyers.

Yet Ms. Bigos and Ms. Baldwin were among a number of real estate professionals emphasizing that courtesy still counts a lot and can sometimes be crucial to getting a deal done at all.

“Many, many times,” Ms. Bigos said, “I’m seeing deals turn on politeness, or the lack of it.”

A few weeks ago, she recalled, sellers told her how much they liked a particular buyer’s agent and her clients whom they had met at a showing. The sellers asked Ms. Bigos if it would violate any rules to accept their bid even though others might come in higher.

“I explained that you cannot discriminate,” Ms. Bigos said “and they said it had nothing to do with that, but they were sick of rude and nasty people walking into the house, and these people just seemed so polite in comparison. They wanted to go with them, even if it cost something.”

Ken Baris of Jordan Baris Realtors in West Orange said, “Huge, huge — courtesy is huge.” He recalled selling a house a couple of years ago for a professional hockey player to a buyer who had been taken with the property. The buyer had explained in a warm letter how much it would mean to live in the player’s house. Even though a competing bidder offered $100,000 more during the three-day attorney-review period mandated in New Jersey, the player went with the letter-writing buyer.

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Credit...Tony Cenicola/The New York Times

Last month, Mr. Baris added, “we had a situation where a buyer had come to his last, highest and best offer, and the seller still felt he needed a little bit more money.” The seller took it upon himself to do some research for the buyer concerning how a door and window might be added to his condominium as the buyer wished to do. He asked his agent to tell the buyer how much he hoped the deal could proceed. This prompted the buyer to offer an extra $2,000.

Many times sellers are not present when potential buyers get a first look, or even a second or third, at their homes. Brokers often discourage it. But Ms. Bigos says that in her affluent community, nannies and other service personnel are quite often on the premises during a house tour — and might pass along overheard comments.

“One time,” she said, “my clients had a dog groomer sitting in the driveway in his truck, who heard people saying, ‘Oh my God, who would paint a house this color?’ Well, the dog groomer was a very close friend of my sellers’ son. Needless to say, that sale never got out of the starting gate.”

Even if everyone is civil, or even gracious, during the precontractual phase, things can get strained when lawyers enter the picture, several brokers pointed out. In today’s market, much of the wrangling over price actually takes place after a buyer has a home inspection done — whereupon a lawyer writes a letter demanding that the seller either pay for repairs or offer a price discount.

“A seller gets a scathing letter from an attorney saying ‘this, that and the other, and more’ has to be fixed, and a seller can be offended,” said Susan Hughes Hunter, the vice president of Lois Schneider Realtor in Summit.

“People feel this is their home, their blood, sweat and tears,” she noted, “and this letter makes it look like the house is falling down. The way attorneys speak is black-and-white, and in truth, it’s not really their job to say, ‘Oh, please, we would so love it if you would be kind enough to fix your roof.’ ”

Ms. Baldwin of Keller Williams says she always urges both buyers and sellers not to take such things personally, and to “think of a real estate sale as business, nothing more.”

Ms. Hunter agreed with the idea that “part of the role of a Realtor is to soften the edges, and keep people’s eyes on the goal, so there is less of a feeling that someone is trying to insult you.”

But the broker can’t control feelings or attitudes, as Mr. Baris acknowledges.

“One very rainy day,” he said, “a buyer got to the door of one of our homes on the market and asked the seller, ‘Would you like me to take my shoes off?’ ”

The seller, meaning to be courteous, said, “Don’t worry, leave your shoes on and we’ll clean the floors later,” Mr. Baris recounted. “Turned out later the buyer told the agent, ‘I really like the house, but we can’t live in a home that has been tracked up with mud and dirt.’ ”

A version of this article appears in print on  , Section RE, Page 10 of the New York edition with the headline: When Nice Guys Finish First. Order Reprints | Today’s Paper | Subscribe

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